"If i'll still b alone later on.. will u b wif me?"
That was how it all started. I know (or barely know) what he meant by that. But, instead..
"Be with you? As a friend, of course.. No doubt bout it."
"U know very well wut my question really is but u chosed to answer in that safe-way.."
I know, but I doubted it.
"You mean if you're still alone in say 2,3 years from now, u want me to be your wife?" I tried to make it clear.
I doubted that he's not serious. He doesn't even know me very well, so how on earth he could proposed to me like that? Futhermore, he's a broken hearted guy who may still be missing (and love) his ex and me is just an escapism tool to swept away his feeling to his ex.
"We're not meant for each other la sayang." I replied.
"How do u know?"
"My heart says that."
I lied. My heart was muted. It said nothing. It just me who felt that I wasn't ready with such spontaneous question or so-called proposal. I was shocked probably.
I dont really know why I turned him down just like that. I am not as flawless as his ex, so I wouldn't be brave enough to bear a risk. A risk of being rejected later on.
But, I should've give it a try, shouldn't I? To let him in and fill my empty heart. But, I don't. Why?
The thing is I have reserved a place in my empty, little heart for someone. Someone who I really miss, someone who I want to spend my life with. Someone, who has said; "You always mine." but ironically, has left me alone now. I have been this loyal because of him.
And now what is this loyalty means to him? What is this loyalty means to me? Nothing. I've let go of a golden opportunity just to get a penniless dream. Shame on me.
Back to the failed proposal. Things got worse when misunderstanding happened between me and the guy. He misinterpreted my words and I couldn't understand a thing about his true feelings, neither could I understand mine.
At that time, I thought we will never see each other again, or even if we do, things will never be the same again. We will never be as close as we used to be. I could say that I would lose a friend because of that stupid conversation.
It's true. It changed. When we met again after that incident, things just got screwed up. We were like strangers. And that's just that.
Now I know. A good friend can end up being a lover, but a lover will never end up being a good friend again. It's really an irreversible process.
I hate this situation, to be honest. I had lost a friend. He treats me like a stranger now. I am terribly sad.
Give me a week. I'll be happy again. I wish.
"Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but if we love again, i swear i'd love you right. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. Now it's the chain is on your door, I understand."
yus cakap : True story. :)
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